Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Jokes Inspired by the Current Financial Crisis
| A friend sent these jokes to me this morning. As in everything in life, we must always look for the light side of things. So, here goes :) President Bush said clients shouldn't be concerned by all these bank closings. If the bank us closed, you just use the ATM, he said. George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman Brothers. His thoughts at this time go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy. The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side, nothing is right. On the right side, nothing is left. If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left. With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,ooo. With AIG, you would have less than $15 left. But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminium recycling REFUND, you would have gotten $214 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. or the other version If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would be worth $49.00. With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,ooo. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminium recycling REFUND, you would have gotten $214 cash. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan. Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife." Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting on his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, ".. and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!" Q : Why are all the MBAs going back to school? A: To ask for their money back What is the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMWs. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four. I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds". Mine or the banks? Masked man holds up a bank cashier with a gun. Says "I don't want any money. I just want you to start lending to each other..... " Have a good day. Local time is 10:20am. US Presidential Election Updates : Obama 174 Electoral Votes to Mc  Cain 64 (270 Electoral Votes to win)Picture Source : media.cnbc.com Technorati Tags:financial crisis, humor Labels: Humour |
